8.10.2002 :::
 
man i hate people who think they're all that.. people who get mad when i'm not all cheesy and cheerful... i guess i whine too much... i'm one of those whiners who sit on my arse and dont do anything.. my family's starting to get on my last nerves.. i mean they're great, but they're too smothering.. i'm just trying to be my own person, but they won't let me... always telling me this and that, asking this and that, complaing about this and that, saying i can't do this and that. like, when bambi's friend died, mom didnt smother her, when donelia did, mom's like, not left my side... i'm like... LEAVE ME ALONE.. yes, i'm mourning, but i need to be left alone... my family didnt even know donelia, so why should they care? i hate people like those.. like some people dont even hang w/ her, yet they act like its such a terrible tradegy... posers. fking posers. i still cant believe she hung herself. lke its weird, i catch myself talking about her in the present sense not hte past sense. we werent CLOSE friends, but man, i looked up to her. she like, had it all organized. she wasnt one of those mindless sheep... she was a leader. man, with her, we had a protest in gym class... well, we rebeled in gym everyday, but we had a BIG protest, w/ signs and everything... was stupid, but it was fun. she would talk to me when no one else did, we'd walk around the track in gym class, talking about everything and nothing. man, i miss her. we had our laughs. i havent really laughed since last week, friday actually. off the subject, i went to the movies last night.. with bambi... couldnt believe how... uber prep the town had turned... i mean like, some of the people i'd call friends now are like... so materalisticwhile they gawked @ me and bambi, we just had our fun, making fun of them and the movie... we saw a blood's work, which is a THUMBS DOWN by the way, unless you like old stuipd boring movies, the theathre was full of old people, and a few of those kids... two of the ppl i knew were sitting behind us, and bambi overheard them talking abt me, so i let loose one of those screams... u know, those high pitch screams... *tee hee hee* i wanna be let alone, that's all i'm asking.

::: posted by ... Have I told you that I love you? at 8/10/2002 06:50:00 PM

 
JOE.

he was nice nuff to put me in his blog, so i'm doing the same, although i'm putting MORE in. :)
man
joe..
hes one of the only sane ppl i know...
cool as hell too
thinks like me
talks like me
he aint stupid man
hes like... cool
i'm gonna take a thing from an email and use it in this case

My friend,
my companion,
through good times and bad
my friend,
my buddy,
through happy and sad,
beside me you stand,
beside me you walk,
you're there to listen,
you're there to talk,
with happiness,
with smiles,
with pain and tears,
I know you'll be there, throughout the years!
You are all good friends to me and I am grateful to you.

erm... anyway... like, joe THINKS... and i know i do too much of that sometimes... like i can tell him everything... i used to do that w/ Mil, yet i was afraid to tell him some things.. i dont know...

::: posted by ... Have I told you that I love you? at 8/10/2002 04:05:00 PM

 
hmm... To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. that's true in a way but.. imagine having that burden.. do one thing wrong, their world comes crashing down. perhaps its better if their world goes down... they'd wake up... quit living in a fanasty world... i mean what kind of shyt is that? love so strong that everything depends on that person... love sucks... its actually just a myth... something created by hastings to get more cards sold.. look at me, i sound like one of those pathetic old people who've never been happy.. maybe that's what's going to happen to me..
i hate posers. i seriously hate them. acting like omg's the only thing that matters. "OMG I FOUND THE CUTEST PAIR OF JEANS! OMG! I SAW THE CUTEST GUY AT THE MALL TODAY! OMG! HE LOOKED AT ME! OMG! I'M GOING TO HIGHLIGHT MY HAIR IN AN HOUR! OMG! WHAT IS SHE WEARING? OMG!" stupidity leak, anyone? these ppl annoy me to no end... worst- i used to be one of them. ya-da-da-da. after a while, started realizing.. wtf am i doing? want to make a dent in this world, and i'm acting like this? i guess to the ordinary person, i fell in a state of depression. man i'm just trying to be myself, no strings attached.
i dont know, i'm actually afraid of ppl finding out what i think of them, honestly. now i'm like, who gives a shyt... it'll slip out sooner or later. Best it be sooner.
man, after donelia died and all, i've started to think... think about my future... seriously i can't see me in 2 years... i dont even want to live past 40. Mil said it was selfish.. i dont know.. old age, the pain... look at the shape this world is in right now, think about what it'll be in 30 years... total and uber chaos.. part of me thinks donelia was right, ending her life right now.. 17's as good as it gets, man. She's seen a lot.. too much for someone her age.. she was older than her years... in a way, older than my mother. another part of me's curious.. wanting to see everything, wanting to see what life's really about... wanting to want, and wanting to be wanted. the curious side's winning.. i want to be as happy as i can be. that's all i want.

::: posted by ... Have I told you that I love you? at 8/10/2002 03:48:00 PM

 
About a year ago, my lil bro chased me out of my room and into the bathroom with a steak knife and had me trapped in there for hours!! Well I've decided to get him back now. But the only problem is that my parents hid the knives to were he couldn't get them and I don't know where they are either. So I'm not here right now. I'm at the appliance store buying a few knives!!....Oh yea and one more thing...We never did have this conversation.


by the way... i don't even have a brother...

::: posted by ... Have I told you that I love you? at 8/10/2002 03:17:00 PM

 
when someone tells u ur priceless what do u say to them .....
am i like one of those commercials.....
finding the right guy $0
studying for ur finals $0
takin my dog to the groomers $0
hangin out with ashley
priceless ..........

::: posted by ... Have I told you that I love you? at 8/10/2002 03:15:00 PM

 
Man i'm all wired today, have been for a while.. everyone's really getting on my nerves lately, i mean after donelia died, i dont know, its like, everything snaps into reality.. this person's stupid this one's lazy this one's useless this one's a jerk and so on so on... i've started to get fed up w/ ppl a lot more easily... like this one guy, mcg... i swear he used to be the only person i'd want to talk to now he just annoys the heck out of me! its like i have to explain every single little detail about every little thing to him... hes like a 3 year old for gods sake.. always getting ofended when i say the ilttleest thing... even if it's the truth... and always saying, 'IC... IC...' annoying.. gah girls that i considered my best friends last year just seem like sellouts now... ppl that i didnt really consider GOOD friends last year are now the only ones i can stand. its like they know the real me. and they understand it, and accept it. they don't question me. they let me be who i want to be, no strings attached. tht's all i'm asking

::: posted by ... Have I told you that I love you? at 8/10/2002 03:01:00 PM